Funny Birthday Quotes

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.

Age is a number and mine is unlisted.

Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m five I’ll be 64.

Live as long as you may. The first twenty years are the longest half of your life.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.

It is true that I was born in Iowa, but I can’t speak for my twin sister.

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.

If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.

“Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional”

Men are like wine: some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, ‘Happy Birthday’.

Looking fifty is great – if you’re sixty.

Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.

People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.

Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.

There are 3 kinds of people in the world…those who can count and those who can’t.

You’re not 40, you’re eighteen with 22 years of experience!

Without birthdays we wouldn’t know how much makeup to put on in the morning.